Lovestuck
by Arualiaa
Summary: SBURB ended years ago. The trolls live in Earth, at Jade's. John suggests a meeting there this summer. What could possibly happen? It's just going to be sun and laughter, right? (Image not mine)
1. Meeting plans

**AN: Hello guys! So this is my first attempt to write a fanfic. Yep, I've always written original stuff and never paid tribute to any series, I suck, I know D: This is kind of an AU-ish post SBURB thing, so you can say that's an alternate ending, even if the comic hasn't ended but oh well. I beg you to forgive my grammar errors and stuff as English is not my native language. Without further ado, enjoy!**

**== Be the bored derp.**

Your name is JOHN EGBERT. You are 17 years old. It's been a LONG TIME since you played SBURB, and now everything has pretty much returned back to NORMAL. The POST-SCRATCH VERSION of your relatives have replaced their older selves, your TROLL friends are living in EARTH hiding from society, and your DAD and the players who died but the dream selves are alive again for some reason. You've learned to ignore this kind of details to this point, and they sound like something that only Jade could understand anyway. Back to the topic, SUMMER has just begun, freeing you from HIGHSCHOOL, which is always something nice.

Right now, you are in front of your COMPUTER, staring at this awesome WALLPAPER of yours. Isn't it charming? Okay, scratch that. It sounded plain creepy. What would anyone think if they saw you like this? They would probably think you are such a weird guy! You don't want to embarrass yourself, so you quickly open your web browser, TYPHEUS. You are bored, and you just type "MSPA Adventures" in the search bar and click the first result. You are willing to read The Midnight Crew's new chapters! Hmmm… not bad at all. But you can't help but get a bit disappointed with the last one you read. It ended in a cliff hanger, and now you will be so eager and desperate to read the rest of the story that you will probably spend all the time checking at the website to see if they have uploaded it. It's not a big deal, you think. You did it anyways. The plot is really interesting now, as the story is coming to its end, after all those years of following it. You let a manly tear of joy to come out. This is epic. But not as epic as Con Air, of course. Nothing can be more epic than Con Air.

Suddenly, a beep gets you out of your inner monologue. Someone is pestering you. Nobody really uses Pesterchum anymore, except of your friends and maybe a few nostalgic people. The popular and new social network Buddybook's chat has replaced the old modest chat client. Not that you care, you've always been an old school geek kid anyways. Nothing will replace Pesterchum's 90s feeling! Ahem, back on topic, someone is pestering you.

**- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 18:11 -**

**TG: sup dude**

**EB: hi dave! i'm bored, the usual. what about you?**

**TG: bored as fuck too. plus, this morning my bro wanted to fight**

**EB: you got your ass kicked again, didn't you? **

**TG: ...touché**

**EB: but hey, now that you're the same age shouldn't you be more even?**

**TG: we are i mean i havent lost my cool but hey he played dirty again with his used-to-be-cool-but-are-not-so-cool-now puppets and shit and it was like oh my god seriously man are you legit with this**

**TG: and then i dont know even how there was this one robot bunny thingy kinda beating the crap outta me**

**TG: and everything was just so fucking twisted that id dare to call it uncool**

**TG: so uncool that it got ironic yo**

**TG: the irony making it cool**

**TG: and this paradox being the source of irony**

**TG: so it all makes sense in a nonsensical way**

**EB: ok ok i got the point! jeeeeeeeez.**

**TG: so hey what were you doing**

**EB: i was reading the midnight crew. can you believe there's a cliffhanger again?**

**TG: are you serious about this egbert**

**TG: are you still reading that**

**TG: you sure need to get a life dude**

**EB: oh shut up! you used to read it too!**

**TG: you said it man**

**TG: USED**

** EB: anyways, gotta go, i think i heard dad and jane coming**

**TG: later**

**- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 18:21 -**

You close the chat and pay attention to the sounds downstairs. Effectively, Jane and dad have arrived home. Probably with more of those boxes full of BAKING INGREDIENTS. You shiver at the thought. God that you hate that Batterwitch.

The conversation downstairs proves your point. They get along really well, as they spend more than a half of their spare time together in the KITCHEN. You wonder if your dad thinks it's weird to live with a YOUNG VERSION of his own MOTHER, but it seems that he doesn't. You both got pretty accustomed to it. You prefer to think about Jane as your SISTER though, because her being your previous adopting GRANDMA and ECTOBIOLOGICAL MOTHER just doesn't feel right. But sometimes you still call her by her nickname Nanna, out of habit. And when you do, she calls you Poppop and throws a pie right at your face, with a "Ho, ho, ho, ho, hoo!". You'll never figure out how does she pick up these so fast. Maybe she has got a bunch of them captchalogued at the ready, who the heck knows.

Anyway, you don't feel like talking to them, as they are probably busy baking goods by now. So you stay in your room, and look around you, hoping to find something that's going to make you feel less bored and unproductive.

Your room hasn't changed a lot since you were 13 years old. Same posters, same furniture. Some of the stuff that you made throughout the game is inside the MAGIC CHEST, and the objects that you use the most are usually scattered around the floor or on the desk.

There are also some pictures of you with your friends in the wall. One of them features you with your ECTOBIOLOGICAL SISTER and friend, JADE HARLEY. Her dog BECQUEREL is jumping on you excitedly, and she's in the background giggling at your surprised face. Next to it there's a group picture of the day you all spent CHRISTMAS at Jade and Jake's, with the trolls. Dave was wearing a Santa hat "for ironic proposes yo", Vriska, with a mischievous grin, was bugging Karkat, who had an annoyed expression in his face. You were putting two fingers over Eridan's head, without noticing that Terezi was doing the same to you. It was surely a funny day.

You bite your lip –oh, and your teeth are less dorky now— and realize how much do you miss them all. Sure, you were still in touch through Pesterchum, but it just wasn't the same. You hope that this summer you are meeting again. It would probably be in Jade and Jake's house again, as all the trolls have lived with them since the game's end. So you just sit there, daydreaming.

Hey. No. Hell no. You weren't daydreaming. That sounds too girly. You are thinking. Of a plan. That sounds better. In fact, you are pestering Jade right now. You are going to make shit happen, like Strider would say.

**- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 18:45 –**

**EB: hey jade :)**

**EB: ...**

**EB: ...are you there?**

**EB: jaaaaaaaade?**

**GG: WHAT DO YOU WANT?**

**EB: ...is that you?**

**GG: DOES THIS SOUND LIKE JADE, FUCKASS?**

Your mind quickly connects the typing quirk with a frown and a pair of nubby horns. A smile comes to your face. It's a long time since the two of you have spoken. He's offline most of the time.

**EB: karkat? what are you doing in jade's account?**

**GG: I WAS JUST PASSING BY HER AND NOTICED SHE FELL ASLEEP IN FRONT OF HER GRUBTOP, YOU ARE THAT BORING.**

Ouch. That was just the usual trolling, in fact, it was mild. But it kind of hurt in some way. You shrug it off, and answer sarcastically.

**EB: nice to hear from you too :/**

**GG: ANYWAY… WHAT DO YOU WANT?**

**EB: euhhhhhhhh... i just wanted to tell jade that it would be very nice if we all met up this summer. you know, going to the beach, or... just stuff.**

There is a pause. An awkward pause. You catch yourself being nervous about his answer, all of sudden. Come on, this is ridiculous. You've got no reason to be. You should know already that he won't like this idea. He never does, for some reason. Nonetheless, you start to type 'what do you think?', but before you send it you receive a reply from Karkat.

**GG: NO. NOT AGAIN. GOG.**

**EB: why not, karkat? i mean… it would be fun!**

**GG: FUCK. FUCK THIS TO FUCKING DERSE AND BACK. FINE. WHAT THE FUCK EVER. JUST LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS. I'LL TRY TO WAKE JADE HUMAN UP.**

**EB: ok...**

**GG: hey john!**

**EB: oh finally it's you jade**

**GG: i know i know hehehe i guess i fell asleep! :P but hey i think thats a wonderful idea! we should totally meet up this summer! :D**

**EB: do you think so? :B**

**GG: yeah! we can start planning it right now, don't you think? X)**

**== John: Be Karkat.**

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS. You are 8 Alternian sweeps old. Now you are really pissed, baring your FANGS at a HUMAN GIRL's back. This human girl happens to be JADE HARLEY, and she is talking rather excitedly with her human friend JOHN EGBERT about some MEETING they are planning to do in an early future.

Getting to the TELEPORTER, you start to think. You hate those meetings. Not because you don't enjoy the others' company, but also there's something else. It's because you are forced to see _him_. The aforementioned John Egbert. This human has always caught your attention: in your first conversation you even thought you could have a kismesissitude with him! You thought wrong. You two grew a little closer, and the inevitable happened. You started to feel red for him. It was that kind of flushing that is so cliché in your romcoms. But there is a problem that stands between you and the sloppy makeouts with the Heir. John has stated in public several times that he wasn't a… what was it? Honesual? Monexual? Humans sure are weird, you think. But anyways, that word means that he doesn't like males for neither blackrom nor redrom. And as far as you know, you are male, for both troll and human standards.

You know that he's never going to be yours. That's why you don't want to see him: just staring at his baby blue eyes and his derpy smile hurts. Everytime he said that he wasn't… whatever that was, it did hurt just as if Jack had stabbed you in the middle of the chest multiple times. But that's something that you'd never admit to anyone. And that is you: the grumpy troll that always gives romantic advice, lovesick. Stuck in that feeling, if you will. Something so ironic that human Strider would be proud.

The teleporter finally makes you appear in the floor where your respiteblock (or bedroom, as Jade and Jake like to call it) is. After the game, her and Sollux had worked for weeks to get a running version of the program that the server SBURB used to edit the client's house, and used it to create room for Jake, and the twelve of you trolls, as you had nowhere to go. The island had plenty of space in case that new towers had to be created, but she preferred to just make the existing one taller.

Right from the window next to the human bed in your respiteblock, a wave of light slams at you. Narrowing your gaze instinctively as a nocturnal being, you close the window's curtains, and block the view to the ruins. You close your eyes (which are bright red now, so your blood color isn't a secret anymore), throw yourself on your bed, and let a muffled sigh out. Jade's enthusiastically clapping and giggles from upstairs let you know that they have decided something. Something that you probably won't agree at.


	2. The trip and time shenanigans

**== In the future…**

You are known as EARTH. Your nearest star, THE SUN, is on its dying days. Soon it's going to explode in a SUPERNOVA, and you, as your fellow SOLAR SYSTEM planets, are going to e-

**== Not THAT far in the future! Only a few days!**

You are MR. EGBERT. Your adoptive son and daughter, JOHN and JANE, are probably about to arrive to their friends JADE and JAKE's island. They had to take a plane (you gladly drove them to the airport, of course), and Jade was supposed to take them to her island by boat. You are not sure if she's got the proper license to control it, but if they trust her, you'll trust her too. You decide you will phone them tonight, to ask how the trip was and if they arrived well. Letting a sigh out, you smile. You are so proud of them.

**== Okay, that's better. John: Stop being Karkat.**

How on EARTH could you be Karkat? That's physically impossible! Unless you've got an ECTOMACHINE, of course. They rock. They are confusing as hell, but they totally rock.

You better stop thinking about silly things, and remember all the AMAZING STUFF that happened today so far!

First of all, Jane and you took a PLANE. The trip was far from peaceful, as a FLIGHT ASSISTANT tried to give you PEANUTS, and you are allergic to them. Then, you met Dave, Dirk, Rose and Roxy. The six of you looked for Jade for what it felt like hours, until you finally found her dog, Bec, that lead you to his asleep mistress, on one of the benches outside the airport.

Now you are in her private ship. You sometimes wonder how did her grandpa get that much money. You asked him last year, and he doesn't know either. Scratch shenanigans, you guess.

You all have been chatting for all the trip, and trying to keep Jade awake, because she is the only one that knows how to control the ship.

Now you are with Rose, sitting on two chairs on the deck. She's complaining about something… '_focus, Egbert! Pay attention!_' you scold yourself.

"…so we almost weren't allowed to come. Their way of thinking is utterly ridiculous! I'm appalled; this kind of people shouldn't be considered adults! At least they agreed yesterday, but I'm sure that it was only to take a break from us."

Oh, right. She's talking about her foster parents. As soon as the game finished, Rose and Roxy were put into foster care. Their foster parents were very strict, a couple in their fifties. They were horrified when they discovered Rose's somewhat dark interests, and Roxy's love for alcoholic drinks. They tried to "fix" them by taking them to a therapist, but as Rose was always trying to compete with him to see who was the best professional of the two, and Roxy didn't change her habits, they finally gave in. Their relationship is almost nonexistent now, their only interactions being awkward silence and glares at them while eating around the table.

At least it's only a few months before they are eighteen, and they will be able to legally live at their own in their former house again. Rose is planning to finish her wizard book and study psychology, but Roxy tells you that she isn't sure about what to do. Maybe she'll get a job to help maintaining themselves.

That makes you think that Dave and Dirk weren't put into foster care. You don't know how they achieved it, because your best bro never told you. He is really secretive about it, but not in a worrying way. He's like "bro's ninja stuff isn't meant for foreign ears yo", and you guess that you probably don't want to hear either.

Jade and Jake weren't put into foster care either, for obvious reasons. The government didn't know about their situation. Their island is like a bunker, and it seems that it doesn't even appear in official maps. Isolated and independent, their house was like living in The Veil.

Rose and you keep on talking until you start to see seagulls in the sky. Land is probably near.

**== Karkat: Freak out.**

"THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY, CAPTOR? HELL NO! This afternoon?" No, it can't be possible! Not this afternoon. Not today. Not THIS YEAR.

"Yeth, KK, Ii already told you. Iin fact, they are arriiviing thoon. Liike, iin 20 minuteth or thuch" Answers Sollux, with a sigh. The poor troll has been patiently dealing with your bad mood and anxiety all day along. You notice that he's staring at you. He had recovered his sight, as he finally died and was returned back to life.

"NO WAY! I'M LEAVING!" You yell, impulsively. You are walking in circles around the living room, in a nervous manner.

"But KK, thith ith a freaking ithland…" The heterochromatically eyed troll tries to reason with you, to no avail.

"Chill out, mutant freak, will you? Your whining is like a drill to my thinkpan." Snaps Equius, sitting in the couch. He's looking at you like if you were wearing a bucket on your head or something. The highblood has been acting like this to you lately.

You give him a deathly glare, and storm out of the house, slamming the front door. You immediately regret that, because you left your sunglasses in your respiteblock. The midday sun hits you like a rock, and you run for shelter under a nearby tree. You sit under it, cover your closed eyes with your hand to protect them from the harmful light, and think.

It's not like you don't want to see him. In fact, your blood pusher started to beat faster at the moment you knew that you were going to see him today. You can almost see him right now, pulling shitty pranks and babbling fanboyishly about the shitty human actor Nicolas Cage.

Ok, stop it. You shouldn't be thinking about this right now. The heat exposure is probably affecting you. Better let's get going before you pass the fuck out, and-

Suddenly, a sound catches your attention. The Witch's ship is being tied to the deck. You run to the front door, across the living room, and step on the teleporter. It doesn't work, though. You remember that some of Jake human's useless stuff is blocking the teleporter upstairs, so the last one doesn't work. But it's too late: the human teenagers are being greeted behind you.

Your thinkpan processes the information quite slowly now, and before you start to think about absconding the hell out of there, a familiar voice calls your name.

"Karkat! I thought you'd never show up!" Even if you are giving them your back, you can almost feel the cheerful smile that goes with those words.


	3. He wasn't told about the stairs

**== John: Be excited like a 5 years old kid.**

You are so happy to see them all again that you could bounce up and down! But you won't, as tempting as it sounds. '_Behave correctly. You aren't a kid anymore' _you hold yourself again. But that doesn't keep you from grinning blissfully. It's great to see all those familiar faces, and of course, the usual antics happen: Eridan's "wwelcome, land dwellers!", Terezi licking Dave's shades, Kanaya and Rose hugging like there was no tomorrow, Vriska yelling your name from the other side of the room with a smirk (you count the eight Os mentally, smiling), Dirk and Jake talking in a corner, Nepeta's cat puns… no matter how many years have passed, nothing has changed. But then you notice that someone's missing… where's Karkat?

All the people and trolls in the living room are blocking your view. Terezi is now sitting on the couch, fighting against Vriska for the tv controller. Sollux, Dirk and Dave are in the middle of the room, each of them silently trying to be cooler than the other two, like if they have an aura of coolness. Some of the others are just chatting around, some sitting on chairs, some standing up…

Then you see him. He's at the very background, standing on the useless (that's what Jade told you) teleporter. You are about to tell him that, but then a thought crosses your mind. Why would he be in there, giving you his back? Was he trying to leave? That doesn't sound like something Karkat would do. Is he being… shy? You _almost_ think that's cute. You notice that he has grown taller, but he's still a little bit shorter than you. That last thought brings a smile to your face again.

"Karkat! I thought you'd never show up!" You call him.

And before he's got any time to react, you dash to him glomp him from behind. In a completely straight way, of course. No homo here.

His body freezes, and he, apparently angry, yells at you some incomprehensible stuttering. You are able to figure out some of the swearing that goes into that sentence, though.

As if he was reading your previous thoughts, you see Dave coming, and he pats your shoulder.

"I see what you did here, John Not-an-homosexual Egbert. Only let me say something: this is so ironic I'm about to have an ironic-gasm" He says, smirking.

"H-hey d-don't get me wrong here!" It's your time to stutter now.

"Then," he begins, and leans closer to your ear, to whisper something else "why are you still hugging him?"

You didn't realize you were hugging him all along. It just felt… natural. You slowly let go, and the troll just stands there for a second before running to the stairs and quickly disappearing from your view.

"Now, Johnny boy, you and me are going to have a little conversation outside." Says your best bro with a soft voice, putting his arm around your neck and dragging you to the front door.

Tavros notices that, and approaches you two slowly, his legs making a metallic thud against the hard floor.

"Uhm... I was wondering if… is everything alright?" He says, with a concerned look.

"Yeah, don't worry, dude. It's just that this one little guy over here needs a little talk." Dave replies

"Ah… moirailship subjects should never be… uh, interrupted." He smiles and nods understandingly, before turning around and leaving.

Dave opens the door, and in a few seconds the both of you are outside. He walks to the side of the lake, sits on a huge rock, and pats the space at his side, as if telling you to sit down.

**== Karkat: Flip your shit. Again.**

Gog. Gog Gog Gog. He's hugging you. And you have no chance to escape. You try to struggle, but it's useless. Your body doesn't obey you anymore. As you try to think about something, you hear Dave human's voice, but you don't focus about whatever the fuck he's saying. When John finally lets go, you race to the stairs as if the freaking house was in fire. You should have chosen this way before trying the less traditional option. You silently thank Dave fucking Strider with all your might (something you thought you'd never do in your entire lifespan) for somehow helping you to escape, just in time before your limbs start trembling like jelly. You are thankful about fate making John don't see your face, now dusted with crimson. So much luck could make you think about Vriska getting involved in all of this, but you can hear her complaints about Terezi getting the remote controller or some shit.

You could have just taken the working teleporter by now, but the adrenaline rush makes you run all the way up to your respiteblock. When you get there, already panting, you face the pillow again.

"UGH, what the fuck is wrong with you? You are Karkat fucking Vantas, and you're acting like a pathetic wriggler!" you scream to the fabric, or more like to yourself.

You could have worn a luminous sign in your forehead and it wouldn't have been any more obvious. Even the most stupid being in this blue planet would have noticed that you were flushed. Frustrated, you let yourself slip into the unconsciousness of sleep.


	4. The talk, and more time shenanigans

**== A minute back in the past… John: Be ****the most stupid being in this blue planet**** oblivious. **

You wonder why Karkat reacted so oddly. Maybe it has something to do with Dave dragging you across Jade's living room. Again… _who THE HECK knows_!

**== Back to the future…**

Foreshadowing the imminent chaos, the Sun turns into a redder tone, and you are forced to narrow your eyes. You are going to witness your planet's very destruction while sitting comfortably in the DeLorean you know so well. The bright li-

**== No, not again! Just a minute in the future! And no more BTTF puns, please! Ahem… John: Sit down and see what the cool kid has to say.**

You quickly oblige and give the Knight of Time an awkward smile. You can feel him look at you in the eye through his shades, and he finally speaks up, with a serious expression.

"Okay, John. You know that you can tell me everything, right? Except puns about your shitty movies, but we should discuss about this another day."

"Soooooooo…?" You try to make him speak further

"Well, I think you are in denial, as Rose would say. And please… don't do that Vriska thing, for my mental health's sake." He replies, smiling at the last words.

"Heh, alright, but… in denial? What do you mean?" What is he talking about?

"I mean that I think you are homosexual and you don't want to face it, man." He finally explains.

Embarrassment makes you blush instantly. The… hell? You stare at your own reflection on his shades and study your face. Could you be? You shake your head, trying to erase the completely hypotetical thought off your mind.

"N-no, of course I am not! Why would you think so?" You quickly reply. A bit too quickly.

"See? You always say the same thing. You are saying that out of habit. Have you ever actually thought about it?" He asks and pulls his shades off, his crimson eyes making direct contact with yours.

You open up your mouth to answer, maybe with a clever reply, but you close it again, as you have nothing to say at the matter. That is true: you have never really considered it. You've never had feelings for a girl; even if you accepted when Vriska asked you out years ago, you noticed later on that you only cared deeply for her as a good friend.

"Okay, close your eyes. We're making shit happen." Dave says, his face dead serious.

Your expression becomes even more awkward at those words. What is in that cool mind of his? Whatever he's planning, you think you should be afraid.

"Hey, don't look at me like that! It isn't like I'm gonna kiss you or whatever the fuck you are thinking, your best bro is straight, you should know that." He chuckles.

Calming down, you close your eyes. You still feel a little uneasy, but that's because you don't know what's going to happen next. A little experiment couldn't hurt, right? You concentrate, and don't hear his soft words, but more like feel them. Like if he was sort of an inner voice.

"Think of a guy."

Who will you think of? You don't know. Perhaps Nic Cage…? Nah. Suddenly, an image pops into your head. Karkat. You guess it's because of what happened before.

"What do you think of that guy?"

That one's easy. He's moody and crabby, but he manages to make it less mean that it should appear. Maybe because at this point you already know for sure that inside that shell he's kind, caring, and well, he _does_ give a fuck about stuff. You think that all that harshness comes out of insecurity about that damn blood caste system. You have the sudden urge to hit hard with your hammer all of those who shoved down Karkat's head the stupid idea that he was any worse than the others because of his different blood color.

"Are you okay dude?" This makes you snap out of your thoughts. You open your eyes, to face a confused Dave.

"Yeah… it's only that I thought about something bad the guy's been through, and it made me mad" You admit. You could never lie to your best bro.

"John… did you just say you were feeling _protective_?" Asks the Knight, pulling his shades down again.

"Uh… I don't know… just… go on with this weird thing!" Your nervousness is being shown through your voice. Dave nods and you close your eyes again.

"Picture the guy now. The way he looks like. What do you think about it? Don't hold back, no judgment here, man."

You concentrate again. You find yourself lost in thought more quickly than you expected. It's surprisingly easy to imagine the Knight of Blood's face, his flawless grey skin, his pointy teeth and his messy raven hair. You feel your cheeks slightly warmer when you start to think about his gaze, usually frowny. Harsh, but not… in a bad way. You can't recall a proper adjective.

"He's… well… handsome… I guess…" You manage to say.

"Judging by your blushy face right now… I've got some news for you." You gulp, as he speaks. "You're gay. As gay as Con Air's end. Yep, you're _that_ gay. Oh, and I think you like the guy you just thought about. You're welcome, by the way." He finishes with a smirk, and pats your shoulder.

You are so shocked at the thought that you forget about his Con Air blasphemy. You? Gay? It… would make sense. And the thought of liking Karkat… well, you have just noticed that you _do_ feel something for him. Something pretty intense, in fact. You shake your head, trying to make the blush fade away.

"Uh… Dave…" You mutter.

"What? You are starting to talk like Tavros, Egbert!" The blond teases you, chuckling.

"Are you mad at me or something…? I mean… about all of this" You avert your gaze, embarrassed again.

Dave bursts in laughter, (something quite unusual, coming from His Pocker Face Majesty) his shades falling off his face quite uncooly. You don't point that out, but simply ask "What...?" as he wipes off a tear and puts his shades back on.

"You really are a derp after all" He finally says, smiling at you "Do I even look mad? You are my best friend, or moirail, or whatever the fuck we should be called, and nothing will change that. Now…" he begins, quickly changing his expression to an overreacted epic one "Come to my arms, best bro!"

You approach him in some kind of slow motion, and when the two of you finally hug, he starts patting your back and imitates your dad by saying "I'm so proud of you, Egderp. So. Fucking. Proud, man. ", as you crack up in laughter.

"By the way…" He starts, when the two of you pull away. "Bro's with Jade's grandpa/dad/thingy, so…"

"What?" That caught you off ward. Dirk F. (for Fucking) Strider, gay? "With Jake? Oh wait… he's supposed to be my dad too."

"Does that make me your uncle then?" Asks the Knight of Time, with a smirk.

"Nope… I guess… it would make the four of us step-siblings. You know, Jade, Rose, you and me." You answer, thinking about it.

"Oh, right. That weird shit." He chuckles. "So we _are_ best bros after all."

"Yeah, it seems we are. Non biologically, but we are!" You give him your trademark smile, only that your buckteeth are less noticeable now.

Then he gets up, and pats at the back of his jeans to get the dirt of the rock off of them.

"Oookay, little Egderp boy. Time to go tell that Vant-_ass _what you feel for him. Oh, and make sure to give this to the guy." He puts a little paper inside your pocket, while dragging you to the main entrance of the house again.

"W-w-wait, whoa! H-how did you…?" You stutter. He shrugs it off, as if it was obvious already.

Dave and you get to the stairs, and he urges you to go on, giving you a little push. "Come on dude, prove that you're a man and make me proud!" You gulp, and slowly get upstairs. Before you step on the teleporter, you remember the little note your friend gave you, and take it out. It features a doodle depicting Dave himself in a style resembling the one in his ironic web comic, and a quickly-written text reading _'i told you dog! i told you about the stairs! hahahaha i hope you get the irony on that btw: you should have noticed that all of his not homo rambling was pure bullshit yo –the coolest guy ever to step earth'_. You sigh, wondering whether to give it to Karkat or not. You decide to leave it in his bedroom, and then go find him.

You silently thank the wonderful invention of teleport. Jade's house sure is cool, but it's really tall! Appearing in Karkat's bedroom, you quickly place the note on his desk. The light is weak, as the curtains are closed. You notice that something is moving under the blankets in his bed. You approach it slowly, and pull the blanket a little bit, just to face a sweat-stained, teary, and terrified Karkat, with his eyes closed shut. You feel a sting of pain in your chest as you caress the Knight's grey cheek with a finger, concerned look in your face. You wish you could do something about those nightmares, but the trolls had run out of sopor slime back when you all lived in The Veil.

He looks like he is in so much pain. You wonder what is he dreaming about.


	5. Nightmares

**== Karkat: Have ****night**** afternoon terrors.**

_You are in a large, dark room. You can't recognize it. A dim yellowish glow comes from your eyes as you look around. You can see there's something on the floor, there are some of it. What is it? You reach for the wall with your hand, and notice there's a little switch. You press it, the wave of artificial light blinding you for a second._

_It's them. All of them. Your comrades and friends. They are laying dead. The walls and floor covered with a rainbow of blood. The humans are there, too. You gasp at the sight of a certain male. _

_"John…?" You slowly walk to the Heir of Breath. You kneel down to him, and shake his shoulders, starting to panic._

_"Egbert, f-fuckass, this isn't f-funny…!" You yell, words choking as rusty tears run down your face, but it's no use. He's dead. You see that a weapon is stuck in his chest. A curved weapon. A… sickle? No, it can't be…! You look down at your own hands, they are covered in blood. Their blood. His blood. _

_Have you… done this? You can't think anymore. Breaking down, you hug the human's still warm body. Your pained screams and sobs fill the place. This… can't be happening!_

You wake up screaming and cover your face with your hands in despair, shivering. That was a… nightmare? Gog… you miss your comfortable recuperacoon so much. A hand is softly petting your head, and caressing your neck. You relax to the touch. Wait… a hand? A foreign hand? Moving your own hands away, you face a worried John Egbert.

"Karkat…?" The human mutters.

"Wha-what the fuck are you doing here?" You inquire, your eyes widening. You can't believe that he just saw you so… vulnerable.

"I wanted to talk to you… and… I found you like this, and…" His voice breaks, and he hugs you tightly, just like you did with him in your nightmare. You would like to be mad at him, yell some of the crap that you usually yell when someone enters in your respiteblock while you are having a nightmare, and all this stuff. But you can't. The hug is making your thinkpan cloudy, so you just relax and enjoy the feeling of being hugged by someone that you thought you lost forever. Eventually he lets go, and you wipe off the pale red tears in your eyes. Gog that you are pathetic.

"If you… utter… any of this… to anyone…" You try to say, but your voice doesn't sound firm.

"Shhhh…" John silences you with a finger on your lips. "I won't, but… what were you dreaming about…?"

You look away and bite your lip with your fangs, but not enough to bleed. "You all. Dead. I killed everyone. It was… awful..." you whisper.

"It's okay… everyone is okay… you would never do that…" The Heir says, petting your hair again, comfortingly. You would normally put his hand away and act like the grumpy fuckass that you are, but now you don't really care. You need the touch. Later you will regret this, but at the moment you are too overwhelmed by the recent nightmare and the human's kindness.

You two stay silent for a while, until John breaks the atmosphere. "Uh… Karkat"

"Huh…?" You open your eyes, which you recently closed in relax.

"I actually… wanted to tell you something." Is that blush in his face?

"What is it?" You ask, much calmer than the usual.

"W-well… you see… I just talked with Dave and… I realized something." He says, rubbing the back of his neck a little awkwardly.

"And…?" You tilt your head. What has that stupid prick to do with this?

"Eh… I… please, don't hit me, but… I think I a-am an ho-homosexual, welljustalittlebit, and I-I like you, I a-actually think I love you and ohmygodIthoughtbetteryouknow justhitmeihardntheheadandkno ckmeoutplease" The Heir lowers his head and shuts his eyes, blushing hard.

Your jaw drops and your blood pusher beats uncontrollably. Your mutant blood accumulates in your cheeks, dyeing them bright red.

The human in front of you opens an eye, apparently surprised at your lack of words. "D-do you hate me…?". He's obviously not talking about caliginous feelings, but platonic hate. You shake your head silently: you could never feel that for him.

"I… is that true…?" You ask, hesitantly. You can't just tell him away if it's just a prank.

"Y-yes, I do m-mean it." He stutters, turning a darker shade of red.

That's all you need. You sit up in bed, and press your lips into his.

**== John: Kiss back already, you ****_stutid_**** derp!**

You weren't expecting that. You thought that he would be more like 'OUT OF MY RESPITEBLOCK YOU NOOKSNIFFER', or thinking it better, more like yelling random metaphors at you, like 'I'D PREFER TO CLAW MY GASTRIC SYSTEM OUT AND PLAY JUMPING ROPE WITH IT THAN YOUR PRESENCE HERE'.

But you don't really care right now. He's kissing you. Karkat. Kissing you. Oh my God. Oh my motherfucking God with all His almighty power and His whole cortege of fucking archangels all baddass and overpower. You surrender to the feeling, eyes closing shut, and get lost in it, starting to kiss back. You wrap your arms around him, slightly clinging to his black t-shirt.

Suddenly the Knight licks your lips, and you gasp in pleasure. Taking the opportunity, he starts to explore your mouth, slow, yet possessively. As the kiss deepens, you can feel his fangs, but you don't care. You can't think about anything else than the sensations, your tongues together. Fire runs through your body, as you feel your pulse quicken even more.

You two finally break the kiss, hyperventilating. Your mind is foggy already. God… you didn't know just a kiss could be _that_ intense. Or that Karkat could be _that _passionate, for that matter.

"W-wow… K-Karkat…" You breathe out, trying to steady yourself. The troll softly caresses your cheek with a clawed finger. You melt to it.

"I'm flushed for you too, idiot…" He whispers with a husky voice, blushed in you swear it is the most beautiful tone of red you've ever seen.

You close your eyes and hug him even closer, resting your head against his grey neck, partly to hide your increasing blush. The troll's skin feels thick, but you couldn't like it more. This is so perfect.

**== Karkat: Be like the other Strider's stupid blue winged-hoofbeast.**

Ohmygogohmygogohmygogohmygog ohmygog! This can't fucking be for real. You are still asleep. Yep, and that's just a really beautiful dream. You pinch your arm, just to see your hateful mutant blood accumulating underneath your skin. Then you must be awake.

So, this is indeed for real. John fucking Egbert in all his derpy and adorable glory, feels red for you too. Okay, your thinkpan just needed to check that out so it could process it. But your body didn't. It took control over you, and made you kiss the human with all the burning passion that you accumulated during the last sweep. The way you've been dreaming to so many times.

And the best thing is, that seemingly he liked it as much as you did.

You tell him your feelings, in case they weren't obvious enough, and he pulls you in a tight embrace, while facing your neck. His nose tickles your skin. You shudder a little bit, and try to hide it with a distracting enough hair petting.

"Are you taking advantage on my height?" you tease, noticing that you would have to stand on your tiptoes to be in the same position he is right now, if both of you were standing up instead of sitting. Your little smirk is close to a true smile. Only Gamzee has seen you smiling, and it was only once. Somewhere in your mind you hope John to see it too.

The Heir chuckles, and nuzzles your neck. The sensitive skin tingles once more, and your shudder is more noticeable. So noticeable, that even the oh so oblivious John sees it. You can feel his smile. And then you can feel his lips placing little kisses along your neck. At the point where he starts to use his tongue, your breathing becomes ragged and you close your eyes, slightly tilting your head back. Damn, he's surprisingly good at this.

"J-John." You stutter lightly before regaining your composure. He stops at your words.

"You called me by my first name..." You can feel him smiling against your skin again. That would bring a smile to your face too, if your thinkpan wasn't so damn cloudy.


	6. Invasion

**== John: Try to take the lead and fail at it irremediably.**

You smile, but in the inside you are grinning in a maniac Terezi-like way at the sudden feel of control. Who knew Karkat Vantas had a weakness! You can't help yourself, you have to do this. He even stuttered! Your best bro would be proud. And you hope Nic Cage would, too. Okay, it's not the time to think about this. Focus, Egbert. You'll need to talk to Rose about your attention issues later. The Knight speaks up again.

"John." He repeats, more like a whisper. "You can't do this and expect me to control myself."

This words are so simple, yet make your body react instantly. Your blush deepens, your heartbeat quickens, heat expands through your body, and you start to tremble slightly at the images that won't stop flashing through your mind. You catch yourself slightly looking forward to them. Only slightly, of course. You've got some morals, God! You are going to keep your head cool as the gentleman that you are- okay, you don't fool anyone. You realize that you crave it. You didn't know that you needed that much Karkat. But you do.

"Then... don't." You reply, licking his neck again. There's no turning back now.

The troll then pulls your chin up and captures your mouth in a rougher kiss. The feeling absorbes you, and when you notice your sorroundings again, you see that you are now laying on Karkat's bed, his weight on you. You can hardly move, but you don't want to anyways. Nothing has ever felt so good in your entire life.

The Knight's hands trail your skin under your shirt, making you slightly feel his claws every now and then. You start to breathe erratically, as the kiss starts to become a little more agressive. You feel something burn in the pits of your stomach, and find yourself kissing back strongly, too.

You can't think. Not that you want to. You only want to be with Karkat, and drown in this recently found feelings.

The both of you pull back, gasping for air. You feel like jelly, and you don't have to look in a mirror to know that your face is completely blushed. The troll smiles at you. Not a smirk or a sarcastic grin, but a soft smile. You've never seen him truly smile before. His smile is cute, and the tip his fangs stick out a little bit. He should smile more, you think.

Before you can say something, a knocking sound interrupts you two. It's coming from... the floor?

"Wha-?" You ask, another knock not letting you finish

"They are hitting the ceiling downstairs with a broom. It's our way to knock the door when there aren't... you know, doors." The Knight's smile drops, a frown taking its place. But his explanation sounds calmer than usual.

Karkat sighs and rolls to your side, slowly getting up. You follow him while he yells "WHO IS IT?" to the floor. Gamzee, Nepeta, Sollux, Jade, Feferi, Dave and Terezi quickly teleport one by one to the room.

"Okay, what the fuck are ALL of you doing in my respiteblock?" He snaps, scowling.

"Are you two matethpriitth yet, KK?" A smirk adorns Sollux's face, showing his two pairs of fangs.

"THE HELL, CAPTOR?" Karkat spits, but his blush bertrays his words.

"I smell a strawberry blush~" Terezi teases, with her trademark sharky grin

"You were right, Jade! This ship is finally sailing fur once and all!" Nepeta squeals, elbowing the Witch of Time.

"Sea? Sea? I told you she was, glub!" The sea dweller troll is grinning too.

"Congrats, guys!" The latter smiles at you two, showing a bucktoothed smile.

"Okay, calm the fuck down, your cluckbeasty noises are worse than a milion needles stabbing my thinkpan over and over in the beat of one of Strider's stupid jams of shit while Tavros shows his nonexistent skills in Alternian slam poetry!" Karkat makes one of his shitrants. Gamzee looks like he's going to complain about how his matesprit actually doesn't suck that much, well, maybe a little bit, but not that much, but he's interrupted by your giggles.

"That was cute, Karkat! Haven't heard one of those for a while." You can't help it. Seeing the troll burst in anger using his full spectrum of colorful language is so adorable that the grin that is in your face right now could last forever.

The said troll blushes and looks away dead silent, scowling at a nearby blank wall like it was his worst enemy. God, Karkat _can_ be really adorable sometimes.

"My mother fucking best friend is called cute and he doesn't bitch about it for hours? The fuck did you do to him John? That kind of shit is what I call a motherfucking miracle!" Gamzee exclaims, eyeing you and grinning back.

"I'm so proud of you Egderp, I'll phone your old man and tell him that his lil' boy has grown up and is a man now." Your best bro says solemn, and fakes to wipe a tear from behind his glasses.

"Hey, wait, how the fuck did you all…" Karkat bites his lip harshly, keeping himself from finishing the sentence. Little pearls of blood slowly come out. The two Knights stare at each other, one of them with anger, the other, amused.

**== Karkat: Find out what the hell is going on here.**

How did any of this happen? Is this some kind of trap? Was it all a twisted joke?

"Female intuition~" Teases Feferi, giggling.

"Bullshit." You spit. "_How_." You add, narrowing your gaze. You lick your bottom lip, aware that you hurt it. The metallic taste of your mutant blood fills your mouth.

"Don't be so grumpy, Karkles" The tealblood throws a wide grin at you. You snarl in return.

"Well, I dreamed about you two back when my dream self was alive… it was really weird! I mean, I saw an older John kissing with a guy who apparently was cosplaying -I mean, in a costume- and…" The human makes a pause, trying to explain herself better, it seems. "You two were in these exact clothes. I know that you always wear pretty much the same kind of clothes every day, but when I first saw John today, he was wearing this, and… well… he's just like in my dream. You have grown up, brother" The female smiles at your… matesprit? You hope with all your might he wants to be.

"But Jade… how did you know today was the day?" The human at your side asks, tilting his head and blushing slightly.

"It was a matter of luck. This, and…" The Witch giggles and blushes slightly too. You wonder why. Humans are so damn blushy.

"This and that I told her about our little conversation" Strider finishes for her.

"Oh, this explains it a-WAIT, YOU DID WHAT? D-DAVE!" John blushes harder, and glares at his moirail-kind-of.

"Akshelly, it was preedy good that he did! That way, we talked aboat it and realized that it probably _was_ the day!" The princess explains. Wait. They talked about it? Like… a fucking discussion about it?

"So we were the gossip subjects today. Great. Fucking great." You growl. "But, oh, fucking plot twist! That doesn't explain why the fuck are you all in my respiteblock."

"To round a ship in my wall I have to see it myself if pawsible!" Nepeta raises her blue clawed glove in enthusiasm.

"Fef and I wanted to confirm my dream and… you know, congratulate you guys!" The Witch of Space gives you a bucktoothed smile. It looks just like his brother's.

"Ii think that Ii've got the riight two come here, thiinthe Ii've been dealiing wiith your thiit all day. Jutht wanted two thee what the fuck wath cauthing iit." The Mage of Doom's speech is difficult to understand, as always.

"What kind of motherfucking moirail would I be if I didn't care 'bout your life? Comin' here was my duty as your best fucking friend!" Gamzee explains. Being… well, being himself.

"You suck as a moirail and you know it, Gamzee" You sigh.

"We know that you love being a Vant-ass, but I'm here for my best bro" You glare to the human. That moron… He smirks at you "I get that you didn't read my little letter"

Huh? What? A letter? Suddenly, John goes to your desk and hands you a piece of paper.

You read it. Who knows what it might say, coming from that stupid human.

_'i told you dog! i told you about the stairs! hahahaha i hope you get the irony on that btw: you should have noticed that all of his not homo rambling was pure bullshit yo –the coolest guy ever to step earth'_.

Stairs…? Oh. You remember what happened before: John had found you because you didn't use the stairs, but the useless teleporter. You have to admit it: that's a good irony. Even if it comes from Strider's shitty comic-thing.

"That was a good one, Strider. Be grateful that I don't cull you in this very instant, fuckass" Your words are harsh, but a slight smirk comes to your dark lips.

"Yeah, yeah, I love you too, Mr. Crabby. I give you two my blessings, be happy and shit, always use protection, dada dada" The human pats your shoulder, and eyes his friend "I really don't get what you see in him, bro"

The Heir's face lights up in embarrassment, and you can see him mouth 'Shut the fuck up Dave' to the other human.

"So… why on Alternia would you be here, Terezi?" You face your ex-matesprit.

"Do you really think I would miss all the fun?" The already grinning troll widens her mouth, showing her razor-sharp teeth "So, let's get this done, shall we~? I declare you two culprits of being red for each other! Don't try to deny it, I can smell deceit! Will you become matesprits now?"

You look at John. _Don't sound insecure, don't sound insecure, don't sound insecure, don't sound insecure…_ "Would you… want to be?" _Fuck. You did. Get ready to be the laughingstock now. Or worse. Rejected. _You gulp as discreetly as you can, and wait for the Heir's answer.

He gives you a weird look. He's dead serious. _Oh Gog… He's gonna do it. He's gonna say no. _Then… he bursts out in laughter? "You should have seen your face, Karkat! If course I want to, idiot!" Before you can reply, frown, or even react, he kisses you softly.

You don't care about the clapping around you two. You don't care that everyone will gossip about this later, or that you are kissing in front of a bunch of people. The only think you can care about is that how right it feels to kiss your newly found matesprit. You no longer feel stuck, as this feeling is starting to make your very soul fly free. Will you be able to perform The Windy Thing just as your matesprit does? Who the hell knows. Not that you care, anyway. You pull him closer, and stop thinking at all.


End file.
